It’s not you, it’s me
“It’s not you, it’s me” is the biggest excuse and lie in relationship breakups in our generation today and makes things harder thus you wonder how to get over a break up. These words are meant to make the other partner sympathize with them and feel as though its the other party that is at fault. This, however, is far from what happens, the other partner feels confused and puzzled over what they did wrong.
They are breaking up with you so definitely there must be something you did to contribute to the breakup. It is, however, the best way to get out of a relationship without causing a lot of pain and heartache.There are other alternative words people use such as, you deserve better and we both want different things in life. There are so many reasons why someone would opt for this textbook break up line such as the following few examples.
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They are too kind
They are mostly trying to shield you from the painful truth without being rude. The person may not want to inflict pain as they care about you and this may be used as an alternative rather than saying you do not deserve them or not up to their standards. This might just be the most polite thing to say.
They were not ready for the relationship
Your partner may not be willing to commit so they will pull out this break up the line. In this case, it is definitely them and not you as they may still want to run around without the expense of dragging you into the mess. They may also have jumped into a relationship with you too soon before been ready for commitment.
It’s not them, and it’s actually you
If someone is breaking up with you the probability that you caused it is high, your partner may use this line so as not to get into details on your faults and avoid arguments. This line is said so that your partner looks as though they took responsibility without hurting you when in fact you are the reason they do not wish to continue the relationship. You may have ignored signs given such as criticism from them and they might not be happy with your behavior.
They were not feeling the spark anymore
They may not be attracted to you anymore and might find that you two are not compatible and want to end. Nothing is more painful than being told by the person you love that they no longer find you attractive, so they opt for this breakup line to avoid the hurt of telling you that. You may have grown out of each other, and the chemistry is just not there as it used to be.
They are interested in someone else
No one wants to hear or see the person they love been with someone else. The truth is people fall in love and out of love every day so you really can not blame them. Most people use this line in such situation because if the later were to be told directly, a lot of emotional baggage would come with it.
They have a lot of things going on
Once something significant happens to your partner, they may not want to continue being in the relationship. They can not function as they used to before. Your partner may have gotten busy due to increased workload or promotion and thus can not afford been in a relationship. Your partner may also be trying to work on themselves, and there may be no room for another person in their lives.
They just do not see you in their future
They may have had that light bulb moment and cannot fathom being with you in the future and as a result will want to end it with you. What better way to tell you that you do not deserve them than the five letter word, it is not you; it is me. You two may be different due to changes that took place and might not be the ideal match.
How to get over a break up
There are ways you can handle this situation to minimize your distress and help you move on with your life. It is, however, crucial to remain strong at this time to protect yourself emotionally.
Take a long deep breathe no matter how hard this may be. Try and think about what you are saying before you say it. Remaining calm will help the whole situation as you can have the chance to assess the break up later on and still maintain your self-worth.
Once you are calm ask your partner why they want a breakup and ask what factors contributed to the break up. This will give you insight on how to improve yourself and if there is a chance at the relationship. Understanding the factors surrounding the break up will give you closure to help you heal with ease. Understand your partner’s point of view without been judgmental or passive aggressive. Be prepared for harsh words but do not be cruel in return.
Accept and acknowledge the situation
Learn to deal with your grief and accept the breakup. Take this as a time for self-reflection, do not beat yourself down over it or hold a pity party. Replace the hurt with positive vibes and do not be afraid to ask for help from people around you. Do not put up a show that you are fine and unaffected, take the time and grieve the process. A great way to help move on easily is to keep yourself busy through exercise or by interactions with others.
Part ways peacefully
Most breakups do not end well, and this will leave both parties feeling unworthy and in pain. Ending things on a good note will help you if you two ever wanted to work on things and is definitely going to assist you in maintaining a friendship with your partner. Avoid insulting and learn to let go of things that do not serve you. Avoid taking revenge and seek a peaceful ending. Give your partner space by allowing a no-contact period.